Ok I'm much better now. I know what I want out of life and I'm going to try hard to get it...Not wait too late to try and get it when it's gone. I think I'm going to be happy with whatever decisions I make in life. I'm getting married in like 2 weeks. People say it's too fast but what's too fast? It's my life and my choice. I'm not running around telling people what to do in their lives. To each is own.

I'm just kind of sad because TJ now has new lumps forming on his head (from the cancer). Which isn't good. The tumor is in his brain fluid. I know this sounds mean of me and it's like I'm giving up hope. But I just can't stand to see my son like this. He is in pain and he is just not himself. I know people say he's a fighter and I do not doubt that at all. I know that doctors tell me that they are doing everything they can to make his life longer so we can have more time. But what time is he having. Always in pain! I've come to grips that I may lose my son. As hard as it may seem. I was talking with my boss the other day about this lady who had two sons with a illness that could not be cured and they were in really bad pain. One day she went to the hospital and she took out a gun and shot her two sons dead. I mean I'm not going to do that to my son but I can really understand what she was going through. She condemed her life to hell so that her sons will not suffer anymore. Please do not think that I am crazy, but like I said it will be selfish of me to want to keep my son around because I want him around. Does that make sense to anyone?

But I will keep you posted.

 Shante'