Well I had to work this morning because someone decided to take their vacation so Fanta (My boss) had to go to another station. I stayed until 11am to give Jerry (Co-worker) a break. I was going to meet Yamil at the mall but I wasn't planning on staying until 11am so I told him I will see him at the hospital later. He left his psp at work and someone stole it. I guess that's one more sign that he needs to give up the games. But oh well. He got me the Silent Hill Origins game. Look at me saying he needs to give up the games and I play video games too. But hell I know when to put life over video games. But he's learning.

I got to the hospital today and tj was in a bad mood. Im trying to keep my spirits up but it's hard when I go to hug tj he tells me to leave him alone. He's just not the same even with the chemo and radiation he still is sluggish and just not himself. He usually plays video games for hours now I let him play my psp and he plays for like an hour and then goes to sleep. He doesn't want me to look at him or touch him. I just don't know how to handle this. I try to keep myself busy and let him know that I'm around and that I love him and I kiss him even though he pushes me away.

I spoke to the doctor yesterday and she said the only thing that is holding tj back from going home is him eatting. He doesn't have a taste for anything. They have him on TPN(liquid food nutrition). But the doctor doesn't want him to go home with that. I flat out told her that I'm scared to take him home, because I don't want to not now if he is going to pass away in pain. So she brung in a Hospice nurse to explain to me about their way to manage pain. They have a nurse come to my house twice a week and they are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I'm just so scared.

Last night they had a thing for the parents where they had a massage chair and they gave us massages. It was really nice I enjoyed that. I'm kinda happy cause I have tomorrow off and I get to go home cause Yamil is spending the night. I get to kinda sleep late. I have to be here at the hospital before 12 because my mom has to go to work. So it's not that big of a break.

Anyway let me get going there are some kids that need to use the computer. I'll keep ya'll posted.