i cant explain how iam feeling. i look at my son and i just cant stop thinking about all the things that mad me laugh. i also keep thinking about his last breath. how will i take it? what will i do? what can i do? the doctor asked me if i wanted to resesitate (sp) him after he passes. i told him no i dont because what would be the point? they have to keep giving him morphine for the pain. hearing him say Mommy for the first time in 3 or 4 days was so damn heartbreaking all i could do was smile and say i love u. his hearing is going. i have to get close to his ear and speak. he understands me because he slightly shakes his head yes or no. the swelling is still there. they gave him a oxygen mask to wear to help his breathing.

yaml and i are going to stay the weekend with tj. we were going to spend the weekend together to celebrate our engagement but i told him that we have to postpone it until a month or two. i cant concentrate on anything. im suprised im not short money at work. i had to email one of the head ladies in charge at home office to let her know what was going on with my son. she hasnt gotten back to me yet. so ill wait on that.

im going to make pre funeral arraingments today. so im really not prepared for that. i do and i dont want to do it alone but its something i have to do.

well let me get back to work and try to stop thinking about things. ill keep yall posted.