Yay i made it home yesterday just in time to like my candle. i took mine in tjs room and prayed and spoke to tj and stared at his picture and told him how much i miss him and i cried. i seem to do a lot of that. i cry a lot at night when i lay in bed thinking of how he used to hold my hand when we lived at my moms house. he used to lay in his bed and i would lay in mine and he would hold my finger until he went to sleep. i miss that so much. i want that back so bad it hurts so much. i found my old camcorder and was watching old fotage of tj when he was a baby. how smart he was. i dont know how im ever going to have more children and have to deal with the thoughts of tj and i just dont want to compare my other children to tj. if that makes sense to anyone!?!

im here at work feeling angry and just want to be alone. ill keep yall posted.